Baby Silas is here!!

This time last week I definitely did not think I was going anywhere anytime soon. Walking around for two weeks at 3cm made me think the whole process was going to be that slow. However, Friday (12th) I felt really crampy with lots of pressure, went in and my doctor told me that I was 4cm, 100% and bulging and I was in early labor, things should start going in 12-24 hours. Yeah, right.

I guess you can really only be super dilated for so long because I woke up at 3am Saturday morning (the 13th) to my water breaking!! Went to the bathroom to make sure but by the time I got there I could definitely tell. It wasn't clear though, more yellowish green and obviously meconium so I knew everything wasn't 100% right. DH rushed me (happily speeding) to the hospital and we got there by 4am. Contractions started pretty much right after my water broke and on the way to the hospital started being consistently 2 1/2 minutes apart and were horrible right off the bat. Got to L&D triage, they asked my what I was at previously and said they'd check me the see if I needed to be admitted. I just about told them that if they sent me home I would kill someone. Luckily, I had made it to 5cm so they admitted me, and I think the amount of pain I was in assured them that this was not a false alarm again. They got me to L&D birthing suite by 5 and I was at 7cm. I couldn't really talk at that point, except when they asked about the epidural. At that point the words "Would you like an epidural?" never sounded so sweet. Got the epidural at around 5:30 and continued to progress very quickly. Once they got me hooked up to the monitors we figured out what was wrong, my husband was watching it and said "I can tell they're bad because when you have a contraction his heart rate goes down". When I contracted and I would lay on my right side or back his heart rate would slow way down even to the point of stopping sometimes. To monitor him better than the stomach thing, they put a heartrate probe on his head and gave me oxygen. New nurses kept coming in would see his heartrate and make me switch sides (a bit hard when you're numb from the chest down), it would go down more than it was and I'd switch back. At around 7:15 I guess my contractions started getting worse or more frequent because my main nurse came in with big eyes and said "you're feeling like you need to push, right?" and couldn't tell at all, but thought I'd better say yes. They called pretty much everyone in the hospital in my room (I swear there were 20 people in there) and got all ready to go. Because his heart rate was still going out of whack they did have to intervene a bit and use the vacuum. Pushing wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be (yeah, epidural) and 26 minutes, at 7:48 (little less than 5 hours after my water broke) our beautiful baby Silas was born!! He is 20" long, 7lbs 13oz. They took him over to get cleaned up right away and all I could see was that full head of dark hair. When I finally got him, he nursed with no problems, as DH pointed out, "look at those survival skills". The doctor said his cordblood indicated he was a bit stressed, so it was a good thing they used the vacuum and got him out quickly. Luckily, after all that, he is in perfect health, just slightly jaundiced but nothing that anyone seemed to worry about. I've been putting him in the sun everyday and he just barely looks yellow now.

We all went home about 36 hours after being admitted and are all doing great. Today I'm starting to feel a bit more human, I think my body is figuring out how to cope with the fact that I'm really never going to be able to sleep like I did before. The last two nights Si has been getting up like clockwork every three hours, so I'm able to get a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time. I also had my first good postpartum breakdown last night and just cried for an hour. Not at all because I was sad, just overcome with emotion, lack of sleep and crashing hormones. All is well now though and although this is the hardest thing I've ever done, nothing has been more worth it.

Grass Valley

I flew to Sacramento today for work and it amazed me how unresponsive people were to me being pregnant. I'm positive that I'm to the point where I definitely do not look fat, but actually pregnant and I was wearing a shirt that really shows off my belly. Now, I realize people aren't going to just come up and start saying "when is it due?", etc. because there are enough horror stories with that mistake. But when I finally waddled myself over to the gate, there was nowhere to sit. I also don't expect people to give up their seat to me, but there were a couple people that just had their bag on the seat next to them and a guy who had his feet up on the seat. No one even flinched to let me sit down. So I sat on the floor and ate my McDonalds. I guess the nice thing was that a couple people gave the guy with his feet on the seat a dirty look after they saw me on the floor. I guess it's just one example of chivalry being dead.

On the other side of the coin, I've gotten a pretty warm reception here in Grass Valley. The receptionist/general manager of the inn that I'm staying at remembered me from the last time I was here about a month and a half ago and was very interested in how the pregnancy was going and how I was feeling. She also picked out a bunch of stuff for my breakfast in the morning (they leave it in your fridge for the night before) and it was almost exactly what I ordered last time I was here. After I got checked in and started going to my room I heard a "Hey, Liz!" and it was one of the DTI core team members, Pat. He came over and also wanted to know how I was doing, told me I looked great and glowing and then brought me their leftover pizza and salad. They do certainly take care of me here. :)

Little baby hearts

At 20 weeks we had the "big" ultrasound, which consisted of a 45 minute ultrasound where they measured everything from head size to check if the baby has clubbed feet. According to the doctor, everything looked normal except for one bright spot on the baby's heart. The name for it is an Echogenic intracardiac focus (Explanation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Echogenic_intracardiac_focus) which is essentially a calcium deposit on the heart. She said that it is one marker of down syndrome, but if they don't have any other symptoms then it's nothing to worry about. It is apparently very common in young and old mothers, and is especially becoming more common because ultrasounds are so precise these days. When the doctor told me about it she said that I could either go to Denver right away and get more tests or wait a couple of weeks and see if it had gone away.

This week on May 13th I had a follow-up ultrasound to see if it had dissolves, but it's still there. The tech said it hadn't gotten any bigger though, and that was a good sign. There is also still only one spot, which is also a good sign. She said that the doctor would probably be giving me a call that day, but it's Thursday and still no word. My regular appointment is on the 19th, so I'm guessing that since I haven't heard anything that they aren't real worried. That helps in easing my worry, but it's really hard not to get a little worked up about it. I know it's not helping matters though. This week I've been pretty on edge and very preoccupied thinking about the whole thing. It's amazing how insignificant other people's problems seem when I'm dealing with a baby that has a heart abnormality.

The good thing that happened at our 20 week appointment is that we found out that it's a boy!! We're still pretty set on naming him Silas Nathan, but I'm not totally setting that in stone. If something better comes along then I think I could be persuaded. Or if he is born and is just not a Silas, we should probably leave it open. I'm so excited to be having a boy, that is really what I've always wanted. I am realizing, though, that life around here will be a little different and I'm going to be outnumbered. Nothing I'm not used to already, I truly have no close girl friends and it's always Nate's friends that are over. It really hit me that I'm going to be the only girl around here when I asked Nate if he thought my pant and shirt matched and all I got was "Meh." Then I realize that I'll just be getting two "Meh's" now and no girly opinions. Honestly, that will be different. I'm used to having guy friends over (Nate's) but I'm really not used to living with guys, besides Nate, of course. Nate came in the other day and asked me if I knew what I was getting into having a little boy. Then he gave me this scene of how we'll come in and he'll be standing on the couch and he'll have a vacuum cleaner hose, pretending like it's a gun, but we'll have to scold him because you don't point guns at people. You know what? I don't know what I'm getting into. At all. But I'm very much looking forward to it and I know that if we can be the best parents we can to Silas, I'll have nothing at all to worry about.

"Being a good mommy starts now." -Becky P

"Women are mothers from the moment they conceive and men become fathers when the baby is born" - Juno

MIA

I wish I had a great excuse for not posting in so long, but it has been nothing other than sheer laziness and fatigue. I honestly cannot believe how tired I have been! I feel like I am on "good" cold medicine 24/7 because I am out of it and my head feels foggy. I have been able to not give in to my old caffeine fall-back, mostly because sugar water sounds pretty horrid right about now. I tried to stay up last night, but didn't make it past 11, and actually haven't for about a month. I feel like at about 10 every night I have to lay down and stretch out because my insides feel crowded, or at least that's the best way I can explain it.

On a very exciting note, I think I've been able to feel the baby move a couple times! (Even if it was just gas or something, I'm going to go on believing it was baby.) The first time I was sitting at my computer and it felt like someone moved their finger across my insides - maybe someone was swimming around a bit violently? :) The second time I was laying in bed and it was just a really weird sensation that felt kind of like butterflies, but it was almost warm. Weird. Just the idea that all of these symptoms and feeling are coming from an actual person inside of me is really mind-blowing.

Everyone who has "predicted" what this baby will be has said girl. There have been 2-3 people at work, my doctor, Christine, and the Chinese conception chart (I've been bored the last couple weekends) all are thinking girl. I'm honestly leaning toward boy though, because I've had cravings for salt and not at all sweet, and the majority of people I've talked to have had morning sickness with boys, not girls. We'll see! I've got about a month until we find out, I think. We don't have an ultrasound set up yet, but she said they would do another one at 18 weeks, and that would be in April.

Mom and Dad got their package to tell them the news last Friday and were very, very happy. Mom called and screamed and was thrilled and Dad called me a couple days later to talk and find out how I was doing. Some people at work were asking me if I was nervous to tell my parents, and I didn't know how to answer. Of course not!! I knew the reaction I was going to get and, of course, it was good. I am realizing more and more how blessed I am to be in this great family.

My tummy really popped out this week. Unless I wear a tight shirt you can't tell and really no one would know I was pregnant because it still could look like fat. But I can tell!! It's kind of strange because I've got this prominent pooch, but it is hard when you push on it, instead of flubby. I suppose that makes sense though, since there is a large grapefruit sized waterballon in my abdomen!

Off to eat some more!
I swear if I keep this up I will gain 100 pounds by September, but luckily I've been fluctuating between only 4-6 pounds extra. Whew! Now as long as I lay off the cheeseburgers......

It's real!!!

I had my first ultrasound/appointment today!!!

We got to see the baby and it was absolutely amazing! He was moving around and even waved his little arm. The ultrasound technician was really great and made sure I understood what everything was and took her time with us. We saw a heartbeat which was amazing and the heartrate was 171, which she said was good.

The doctor I saw was also really nice. The place I'm going is a shared practice, so I see all of the doctors and then one of them will deliver the baby, it's just not guaranteed who it will be. I still have to get bloodwork done at a different hospital, but I've got a month to do that (before my next appointment) so I'm not stressing out to bad about that.

The other thing I am not at all stressing out about is work. It's kind of to the point where it could defintiely be to my detriment, so I'm trying to not let it get me in trouble. Ever since I found out, and expecially after I told people at work, I have really not cared about work at all. I've got major preggo brain and I seem to forget everything. I've been pretty good about keeping a note pad aroud and writing down things that I have to do, so that I don't forget anything. I have forgotten to do a couple big things though, but luckily none of them were life or death. When people have been coming to me with problems I am trying so hard to care, but I just can't help but think "it's not that big of a deal!". I am really, really trying to not let my attitute show, but I am afraid that one of these days my hormones are going to get the best of me. The people at work have been really awesome about the whole thing and make sure that I'm ok all the time. They've even sent me home twice, once for morning sickness and today because I've got a bad cold. I'm a touch worried that this sympathy is going to run out though, and I'm not going to be getting as many "breaks". I can just pray that people continue to be compassionate and that my attitude gets better.

Off to bed now! :)