Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Awake Sickness

I am quickly learning that Morning Sickness is a cruel joke. "Morning" would make you think that you only have to worry about it in the morning. No, no, no. It is just sickness, anytime sickness. Whenever you are awake sickness. Mine has been the worst in the morning and also at night. There is a window between 1-3 where I usually feel great. It also seems like it is getting worse every day, which is good. It is disgustingly ironic to me that they sicker you get the more healthy your baby is. And I am definitely embracing it because of my miscarriage. I will definitely take any good signs.

I had to reschedule my appointment because of a work conflict. My new appointment is now Feb. 12th. I am going back out to Carson City/Reno the first week of Feb. to help more with their computers. I still haven't told anyone at work (or anyone for that matter!). Mike and I will be discussing what my new position will be in the near future so I'm going to tell him, but I think I'll keep it under wraps until the 2nd Trimester to tell everyone else. We're also going to wait until my appointment to tell our families. I'm getting really excited to spread the news! :)

Friday, January 18, 2008


My first doctor's appointment is February 4th.

Trip to Carson City

Today I got back from my business trip to Carson City, NV to help with the DTI install at a newspaper there. It really was a lot of fun, the DTI core team is made up of a lot of great people. I feel like we got a lot accomplished and really had a pretty good time too.

So after craving Roast Beef like crazy last weekend, buying a bunch at Safeway and then eating a huge sandwich, I realized that I'm not supposed to have deli meat. It has really been a challenge for me to not eat/drink anything bad. None of it has been on purpose but it seems like everything that is "off-limits" I'm managed to eat before I found out I was prego. I've had sushi, fish, feta cheese, alcohol (not a lot, just a little over the holidays), calamari, shrimp, roast beef, caffiene and I'm sure there's more. I feel like such a bad mom, but I didn't realize what I was doing! I just hope that my baby turns out totally healthy and none of my mistakes will end up hampering my child's future. I have been able to clear my mind a little bit by doing research about each thing that I ate and none of them - aside from the alcohol - are really bad in moderation, they just need to be avoided from now on.

Off to go find something "baby kosher" :)

Monday, January 14, 2008


After a pretty unenthusiastic first response to the positive test ("Yeah, I already knew that you were") Nate has really been expressing his exitment about having a baby. He was already anticipating something big was going to happen because of the changes in his life. He has been drifting away from his friends a little, and some have even moved away. A couple of weeks ago he said "I don't know what God is doing, but he must be preparing me for something to change". And what do you know - here I am 5 weeks pregnant!

I am very much looking forward to watching Nate grow as a Dad. (Nate as a dad - that is going to take some getting used to!) We went to visit his friends last weekend and just watching him interact with their 3 year old daughter made me want to cry. (Ok, the over-abundance of hormones didn't help that any.) When we were watching a movie she wanted to sit in between the two of us and she fit pretty nicely. Then, of course, he started tickling her, but she loved it and the two of them got along so well. As we were driving home he told me that he could get used to having a little person sitting between us. He had also been very excited to just play with his kids. It has amazed me as to how much he picks up on other people's parenting styles. While he defintiley believes in a spanking every now and then, he has made it very clear that you shouldn't treat your kids like grown ups - let them be kids. This is definitley going to be a great ride.

I called the clinic this morning and they are going to call me back in the next 24 hours to do a prenatal interview. They told me that after that they'll make me an appointment and schedule my first ultrasound. MY first ultrasound! I don't think it really sunk in until I heard that. It really feels like this is MY pregnancy. What a crazy feeling.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Update on what's going on so far...

I knew that I was pregnant again, I just feel pregnant.

I've had ridiculous mood swings, headaches, bloating, horrible breast tenderness and just feel blah. Three weeks after my last period someone at work asked me I was feeling ok because I seemed out of it. "I thought maybe you'd tell me something good, like you're pregnant". As of then I had a hunch, but no definitive proof. I ordered a pregnancy test from Walgreens the next week because I thought it would be a good idea so that I didn't have to stop anywhere on my way home from work. Well, it was a good idea, but the week waiting for it was agony! I checked the UPS tracking relentlessly and it finally came a week later on Friday (Jan. 11). The week I was waiting (Jan 7-11) I was asked by two people if we were thinking about trying to start a family again. I thought it was pretty ironic that it happened twice on totally separate occasions. After rushing home to take the test, it returned what I had already sensed - I am pregnant!

Everything at my job is changing a lot, and it has become crystal clear to me that God really is in charge and I need to let Him do the driving. I thought that the change was a sign to get a new job, but I'm thinking now that it is a sign to take it easy. I told my supervisors that I wanted a different position, one with a lot less stress, and it was taken three very different ways.
The first was shocked because he had heard "only good things" about me, but was willing to do whatever, and was glad that I told him.
The second was not at all shocked and could see how I wanted to get back into design. He also was the first to bring what I was planning on doing when Nate and I decided to start a family again. He doesn't want to lose me, but would that mean part time or me staying home full time?
The third was shocked and almost appalled. He wondered why I would "give up" because I was doing such a good job. After having a lengthy conversation with the last supervisor I was seriously doubting my decision because he made it seem like I was giving up and taking the easy route. However, after getting a positive result I am content with my decision. I don't want the stress of being a supervisor compounded with the stress of being a first time mom. Plus, if I do decide to be a SAHM, a graphic design position is a lot easier to fill than a supervisor position.

Tomorrow I plan on making my first prenatal doctor's appointment. I've been seesawing between a smaller women's clinic or a big hospital. I have not been impressed at all with the hospital here for all three encounters I've had. I really think I would like the small environment of a clinic and would definitely like to be cared about and not just treated like a chart. On the other hand, I like the technology the bigger hospital has and in the event that something went wrong, I would feel more comfortable with fancy machinery. And I am relying heavily on the epidural at this point, and I don't know if the small clinic would even offer that. I'm going to give the clinic a call first and see what happens. I suppose if I'm not at all impressed, I don't have to stay there for the duration!

Monday marks week 5! I am still nervous about another m/c but am praying every day for this one to stick. I have a gut feeling that if I can hear a heartbeat that everything will turn out ok. I know that it's not a given or anything, but I just have a feeling.

We'll see!