I knew that I was pregnant again, I just feel pregnant.
I've had ridiculous mood swings, headaches, bloating, horrible breast tenderness and just feel blah. Three weeks after my last period someone at work asked me I was feeling ok because I seemed out of it. "I thought maybe you'd tell me something good, like you're pregnant". As of then I had a hunch, but no definitive proof. I ordered a pregnancy test from Walgreens the next week because I thought it would be a good idea so that I didn't have to stop anywhere on my way home from work. Well, it was a good idea, but the week waiting for it was agony! I checked the UPS tracking relentlessly and it finally came a week later on Friday (Jan. 11). The week I was waiting (Jan 7-11) I was asked by two people if we were thinking about trying to start a family again. I thought it was pretty ironic that it happened twice on totally separate occasions. After rushing home to take the test, it returned what I had already sensed - I am pregnant!
Everything at my job is changing a lot, and it has become crystal clear to me that God really is in charge and I need to let Him do the driving. I thought that the change was a sign to get a new job, but I'm thinking now that it is a sign to take it easy. I told my supervisors that I wanted a different position, one with a lot less stress, and it was taken three very different ways.
The first was shocked because he had heard "only good things" about me, but was willing to do whatever, and was glad that I told him.
The second was not at all shocked and could see how I wanted to get back into design. He also was the first to bring what I was planning on doing when Nate and I decided to start a family again. He doesn't want to lose me, but would that mean part time or me staying home full time?
The third was shocked and almost appalled. He wondered why I would "give up" because I was doing such a good job. After having a lengthy conversation with the last supervisor I was seriously doubting my decision because he made it seem like I was giving up and taking the easy route. However, after getting a positive result I am content with my decision. I don't want the stress of being a supervisor compounded with the stress of being a first time mom. Plus, if I do decide to be a SAHM, a graphic design position is a lot easier to fill than a supervisor position.
Tomorrow I plan on making my first prenatal doctor's appointment. I've been seesawing between a smaller women's clinic or a big hospital. I have not been impressed at all with the hospital here for all three encounters I've had. I really think I would like the small environment of a clinic and would definitely like to be cared about and not just treated like a chart. On the other hand, I like the technology the bigger hospital has and in the event that something went wrong, I would feel more comfortable with fancy machinery. And I am relying heavily on the epidural at this point, and I don't know if the small clinic would even offer that. I'm going to give the clinic a call first and see what happens. I suppose if I'm not at all impressed, I don't have to stay there for the duration!
Monday marks week 5! I am still nervous about another m/c but am praying every day for this one to stick. I have a gut feeling that if I can hear a heartbeat that everything will turn out ok. I know that it's not a given or anything, but I just have a feeling.